i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
