last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
