We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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