I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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