I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize