Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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