OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
