Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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