Yo dont text me then not text me
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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