My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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