I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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