I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
