Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize