I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
