I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
