Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
