Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
