There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize