he wants to bone in the snuggie
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
