You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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