You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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