We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
