the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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