Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
