You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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