I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
