Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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