you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
