She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
