Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
