So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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