I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
