Just fell off a train. Bad.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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