and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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