No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
