Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
