i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
