shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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