May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
