I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We have started to decorate penises.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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