I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
