We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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