just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
