Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
