I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
