My liver just broke up with me...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
