hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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