I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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