i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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