What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
