You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
