there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
