Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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