not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
