I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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