How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
