Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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