don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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