i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
