I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize