About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
