I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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