There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
