Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
