you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
