i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize