I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
