I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
