Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
