I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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