Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
