theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My bed smells like the plague
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
