I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
