Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
