My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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