??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
