I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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