Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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