I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
