Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
