My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
handjob tips. give me some.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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