it wasn't lemon gatorade
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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