we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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